Kevin Linder

I’ve recently had a break up of a very long relationship. No need to go into details. We both love (or loved) each other but there were trust issues on both sides that ultimately ended it. What hurts me the most is we had been in a relationship long enough that there was talk of buying a house together and even kids.

I know…I was surprised as well. Not only that those topics were brought up but also that I was considering it.

What I can’t help but think is what would have happened to my relationship if there was a home/marriage and kids involved? Would they have saved my relationship or simply kept me in a bad situation longer than I should have been?

When I think of the issues that came up that triggered the break up, I don’t think they were that severe that the relationship had to end. It wasn’t like there was any infidelity or any crime was committed. Even though it was difficult and painful on both sides it was fairly minor from all the other break ups I’ve witness, heard of or gone through previously. However it was still bad enough for a relationship of more than a year and that involved some very major growth to be thrown away like a bad apple.

When I think of the break up, I get sad and depressed but I also get angry. Angry that the other person could so easily let go of it. I was in it for the long haul. I don’t know if it’s time or age or simply not having what you used to have. But with the loss of my ex I have some insight into what I want. I want that very thing. I want to get married, well I don’t need the actual marriage thing but the commitment. I want the kid and the house. What does that mean to not necessarily have the marriage but the commitment? I want to be with a woman that is going to be in it for the long haul. That realizes that relationships aren’t easy (at least the ones worth having) and isn’t going to walk away from it unless they have exhausted every last energy in their body. And even then they still give it a few more rounds.

I saw a lecture online called “The Last Lecture” which was great for many reasons. However in it he talks about brick walls and they being there in life to keep those out that aren’t committed to overcoming them. After all, if it were easy…everyone would be doing it. As he was talking, he was saying he had encountered quite a few and they were difficult. However he said the most difficult one was his wife. Which when you think about it…is so true. They both stuck through the relationship and made the effort to climb that wall no matter how tall or scary it was at any given time.

Perhaps that’s what some of us are lacking. Finding the right person where you want to do that. You are willing to walk on fire and climb the wall in order to make it work. You get hurt by your spouse and instead of running the other way - which is easy, you decide to stay, forgive and move on.

Does that come with being married and/or having a baby? Maybe in this day it’s simply too easy to up and walk out of a relationship. There is no shame or guilt associated with it. That sounds like the very problem with nowadays. Everything has to be now. We want our music, food and even TV now. We can’t wait 30 seconds. If it takes too long or too much work we move on.

Anyways, I’ve realized that I want that. I want to find my brick wall. A woman that frustrates me and challenges me but at the same time also gets me. I also want the entire dream. I want the house with the yard, the kid and even the dog. But how to get that? One has to be a brick wall but if your too tough to climb then the other person will give up. If your too easy then they will walk right over you and keep moving on. Add to the equation that you have to find someone that is able and willing to do the very same thing. Try to be a rigid brick wall that isn’t too tough to climb but also not too easy.

But I guess that’s the secret isn’t it. To be that brick wall and seek your matching brick wall. Only with two brick walls can you being to build a foundation and from that everything else will come.

Now if I can only figure out where I need to look to find my matching brick wall…I wonder if Home Depot has any in stock!